Sunday, July 05, 2009
Orange-indulgence is me!
its been a long time ever since i'm blogging
cause i cant seem to put whatever i'm thinking into words =.=
my limited vocabulary.
everything's fine for now
except for my atrocious MYE results which i know i'll be getting
three more papers left.
and two more major exams to go
i wonder if i can really make it in the end.
but its no time for me to doubt
and the least/worst person that i can ever doubt is myself.
i choose to hold on
to believe in faith
in the faith that i will do well.
easier said than done though
cause there are always many hiccups along the way
'external factors' like double-faced 'friends'
i wonder why i always allow myself to be upset over those stuffs
and i guess this isnt the first or the last time i'm saying this.
but i'm improving (:
no matter what kind of person my 'friends' are
i choose to believe in what they say
perhaps i'm jealous of them, which arises to all the negative thoughts
perhaps they are really true, its just that i'm too narrow-minded.
there's one saying,
' as long as you are true to others, others will be true to you'
i know many of you guys might sneer/laugh/mock at this
cause we've been through so many experience to know that this
sentence is just TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.
but i guess, no harm HOPING for it to come true right?
and i believe that there are true friends out there for me too (:
whats with the optimism?
i'm feeling paradoxical
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Orange-indulgence is me!
heys,here to update once again :)
i guess i seriously need to think/have some motivations
so that i can study better and not be sooo distracted.
any ideas from you guys?
anyway,
i wont be coming here to blog too often
cause i think i've been lacking things to update about.
and juniors! got anything, can talk to me through those usual ways :)
emails and smses! :)
i hope everything is fine for you guys
and thanks for those who were concerned for me :)
i hope the very best for you too :)
CIAOS :)
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Orange-indulgence is me!
i feel abandoned.
i cant really believe how hard it can actually hit me.
till i was thinking of tmr's gp paper
who am i going to write as our tutor?
mr paul tan, it shall be.
i guess blogging shall be my way of venting things out once again
till i leave it to rot during the holidays.
i'm feeling down, yet again.
i hope there's a valid reason to my emoness nowadays
and i hope to dawn on that smile once again.
i've a horrid temper and terrible moodswings these days
and to my parents and friends who i've showed my temper to,
i apologise and i really dont mean it.
that friendless feeling and alone feeling didnt leave me
and cadbury choc seems to lose their special powers in making me happy.
when i'm with friends, i'm ok
when i'm at home with that pile of undone homework and aimless mind,
i'm not.
when i'm given extra moments to be alone, i'm not ok.
its been three days ever since my mood is really down.
and i'm really trying hard to make things alright once again.
perhaps mng being sick worsens my mood
and perhaps everything is just not right.
i cant believe i'm feeling so screwed up right now.
and nobody can believe that either
cause my classmates are just used to that crazy-high-mad cheryl
that they always see.
a singing, laughing, cheryl.
i guess they can never get to experience and to see
how emo cheryl can be.
they should see my secondary three self
every amksian i know can vouch for that.
i'm not an emo person since then,
its just a slipup and moodswing i'm having now right?
its tiring to console people and to give advices to people now
i need to apologise to those juniors and friends who need those
cause i really cant bring myself to remain positive as i console
not with the stinking moodswing i have within.
i need to get out of this screwed mood right now.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Orange-indulgence is me!
its been an extremely long time ever since i made a proper update
so i shall do a longg post today (:
since yuqing and joey have been complaining to me in their blogs and msn
that i've been mia-ing for a very long time.
so long never blog, many things happened
and i dont even know where to start from.
maybe i shall skip the events that happened long ago
and start from last weekends bah.
perhaps you've caught me in the wrong period to blog
cause the past week have been quite a disaster.
physics spa skill A almost got me killed.
and i've been experience great moodswings when i'm studying for it
but thank goodness, i managed to cram it on time.
mr paul tan is not teaching us anymore.
and our class is really very sad.
we are like being 'abandoned', without our very own tutor.
although we dont know what happened to him,
but now, GP without him seems so weird.
we miss him :(
yesterday, was feeling quite emo towards the end of the school day
i feel friendless.
i feel anti-social.
i feel like everybody's just putting up a fake front and befriending me
i'm such a disaster arent i?
Friday, May 08, 2009
Orange-indulgence is me!
a GOLD.
seriously, im disappointed.
yes, i am. but i'm not sad.
there's a difference, mind you.
yesterday was another 15 minutes of my life that i'll never forget :)
its the first time when i ever felt so relaxed in SYF.
perhaps the pathetic number of people there is one of the factor
but i guess the main reason is because we really made it into a performance
we moved, we expressed, we touched, we made mistakes, we Enjoyed.that basically sums everything i have in mind about syf.
well, masterclass today was fun.
joanna and i were listening to Der Vogelhandler SYF recording (:
The Piece :)
its a very nice feeling to listen to syf songs
cause it brings back many memories and flashbacks
its difficult to believe that behind that title,
we had put in so much efforts, sweats, tears.
and i'm proud to say that there's another song that can move me now.
DANZA SINFONICA.
that song brings back wonderful memories too.
and those treasured memories are important to me (:
NYJCBAND is a totally different band from AMKSSBAND
(its ironic as we are both under the care of Mr Brando Tan)
but then, due to the fact that we're in different stages of life,
we exprience different stuffs.
i still remember the times when i complained/cried/grumbled abt nyjcband
those were the times where i stubbornly held on to the past
of AMKSSBAND
but i'm glad that i stopped in time
and start changing my focus to NYJCBAND
two lovely bands indeed.
both cant be comparable to each other
its different, really very different.
read the blogs of people like laura, pupeng
you will realise that the reason that they/we can hang on in jc
is because of the band
the people we have in band
the friends we meet
the section which we so closely bonded to.
that held us tgt in piece.
Der Vogelhandler and Danza Sinfonica
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Orange-indulgence is me!
i just want seek your understanding
its difficult for me to handle both band and studies well
and i hope you can make things a little easier
by supporting me, my band practices instead of scoldings.
its tiring enough and i really need a rest, a break when i reach home
no more long conversations/preaching sessions.
i know its A levels, YES I KNOW.
i mean, how am i able to actually forget??
when everyone in the whole wide world is reminding me.
tutors,principals,muggers
and if you think that one can remain calm/dont-carish
then you are so so wrong.
but i cant complain
cause everyone is facing the same shit that i'm in
and if they are coping well, then i guess i have the ability to do so too.
mr wong's right
i've just tooooo many negative thinkings in my mind
he's the 6878768321654946 person who tells me that
its been the norm.
band practices are getting hectic.
and that bandfreak here is getting a little tooo stretched
and the best part is that the hectic-ness havent even started
i can predict the two/three weeks in front of me is going to be filled with
loads of scoldings,tears and whatever not.
sometimes i hope that i get too overstretched and then go snap
just like an overstretched ruberband.
then perhaps it'll be a signal to me that i've reached my limits.
but thinking further,
i know of many others who are much more tensed up than me
they are
stressed, and i'm not
thats the difference.
many things are best left to be unsaid
those who are close with me,
should know what's bothering me nowadays.
there are perhaps more than one.
but quoting what BT once said to me in the past,
'if you know that you cant do anything about that issue, then forget it'
yea, whats the point of worrying/moaning/crying/thinking
over things that you know no amount of tears can change.
people change,
sometimes so fast that i doubt they even know themselves
and if i've done my part, put in my very best for this friendship
only to find it useless,
i should just give up.
thinking back of all the denial/defence i've did for you in the past
i'm feeling stupid.
life's great.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Orange-indulgence is me!
rehearsals at TRCC today
i cant say much, cause we did mainly on testing out the hall and all
but although its tiring, (very indeed), i find it all worthwhile.
everytime after a band practice, i'll feel totally drained out
especially if that's a school day, i'll feel totally sucked out of energy.
i despise those people who dont understand
and make comments like, ' aiyah, band only mah. just sit there and play'
like hello?!
it isnt as simple as sitting there and play
if you dont know about music playing,
then you jolly well keep your mouths shut.
and then, there will be people who pretends that they knows everything
but then, unless you really have that knowledge, then go ahead
if not, why make a fool of yourselves?
i'd seen soooo many of such cases recently
that i've got so sick of it
these people dont deserve my respect.
and they arent likeable, not one bit.
anyway,the journey to TRCC is always nice (:
i love my section and they are a lovely bunch of people
its a mix of my amksians juniors and new friends that i made in NY.
i seriously enjoyed their accompany
and that section just makes me laugh like mad (:
a section with no politics and all, a big section somemore.
i cant ask for more, can i?
everyone is so real and true there.
there are people with really extremely nice characters (:
not forgetting AMKSSBAND juniors too (:
i'll never forget you guys.
its totally two different experiences with amkss and nyjc
and i guess thats they reason why everyone has to grow up,
to experience more things and to gain more knowledge.
Though there are really many times when i just feel like going back
to my secondary school, or every primary school,
i know that i need to move on to the next level.
all's well (:
